Therapy & Counseling for Emotional Abuse in Tennessee

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What is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is a pattern of conduct or manipulation used to exert control or subjugate another human. This form of abuse is the act of insulting, degrading, and generally instilling fear in a person to gain control over them. Emotional abuse can take place in many different situations, including with family, friends, a romantic partner, in the workplace, or even a total stranger.

Some examples of this kind of abuse include verbal abuse, humiliation, intimidation, bullying, and isolation.¹ Emotional abuse focuses on the victim’s emotional and psychological well-being, and it frequently comes before physical abuse.²

• 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men report having experienced at least one act of psychological abuse by a significant other.
• 17.9% of women have dealt with situations in which an intimate partner tried to prevent them from seeing their loved ones.
• 95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also abuse them emotionally.
• Seven of ten mentally abused women exhibit PTSD and/or depressive symptoms.
• Women who make 65% or more of their households’ income are more likely to experience psychological abuse than those who make less than 65%.³
• According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 11% of children report experiencing emotional abuse as an adverse childhood experience.
• Multiple studies show that adults who identified as members of certain groups, including LGBTQ and Black, Hispanic/Latino, or multiracial, reported experiencing significantly more adverse childhood experiences, including emotional abuse.⁴

Signs & Examples of Emotional Abuse

Many of the obvious indicators of emotional abuse and manipulation may be ones you are already aware of. But, some undetectable signs of emotional abuse can be difficult to notice while dealing with it.

Below are some indicators that you may be dealing with an emotionally abusive relationship.⁵ It’s important to keep in mind that your abuser does not have to exhibit all of these signs and examples of emotional abuse for it to be considered abusive.

Criticizing and Humiliation

• Insulting Nicknames and Name-Calling: They’ll shamelessly use derogatory terms like “dumb,” ” loser,” or related. Perhaps they call you “my chubby darling” and reject your requests to stop using phrases of “endearment” that draw attention to things you’re sensitive about.
• Character Assassination: The phrase “always” is typically used. For example, “You’re always late” or “You always screw up.”
• Yelling and Patronizing: You may feel intimidated and unimportant due to shouting, yelling, and swearing. An abuser may pound their fist, toss objects, or cause property damage even if they never hit you. When they say things like, “I know you try, but this is beyond the scope of your brain,” they patronize you.
• Public Embarrassment: They start arguments, divulge your personal information, or publicly ridicule your flaws.
• Dismissiveness: When you tell an abuser something significant to you, they respond, “What? Who’s interested in that?” The same message can be sent by body language, such as sighing, head-shaking, eye-rolling, and smirking.
• “Joking:” Whenever you disagree with something an abuser has said, they immediately respond, “Can’t you take a joke?” or “Grow up.” You end up feeling stupid and doubting whether you are being overly sensitive.
• Belittling Your Accomplishments and Interests: An emotional abuser dismisses your accomplishments and argues that your hobbies and interests are a waste of time.

Power & Control

• Threats: An abuser suggests that they’ll dismiss you or report you for being an unfit parent. To make you feel uneasy, you might even overhear them say something like, “There’s no telling what I might do.”
• Monitoring Your Whereabouts and Spying: They constantly want to know where you are and demand that you answer calls and texts immediately. They can appear at your workplace or school to ensure you’re there. They frequently monitor your call log, emails, texts, and Internet history. They demand your passwords or that you go password-free.
• Gaslighting: Someone abusing you might dispute that certain events, discussions, or agreements ever happened. This strategy may make you doubt your recollection and mental and physical wellness.
• Blackmail: With the help of manipulation, an abuser will try to persuade you to do something. They may try to “test” you by asking difficult questions, playing the victim, or making you feel guilty.
• Controlling Finances: They demand money from you and maintain bank accounts in their names only. They also demand that you retain all your receipts and give a detailed spending report.
• Stonewalling and Walking Out: They shut down and stop responding to your communications during an argument or abandon a social gathering, leaving you no way home.

Denial, Blaming, & Accusations

• Jealousy: An abuser accuses you of flirting or adultery, or they assert that you would spend all your time with them if you genuinely love them.
• Guilt Trips: They might use phrases like “You owe me” or “Look at everything I’ve done for you” to guilt you into doing something.
• Unrealistic Expectations: They anticipate you doing what they ask when they want. They believe you should always put their needs before your own, conduct yourself per their standards, and refrain from spending time with loved ones.
• Denying Abuse: They may dispute your issues when you raise concerns about their behavior, acting confused at the idea. They might even imply that you have anger and control problems or claim they only get upset because you’re difficult.
• Blame: An abuser constantly blames you when things go wrong. They might say their lives would be fantastic if only you had been a better partner or parent.

Emotional Neglect & Isolation

• Dehumanization: When speaking to you, an abuser purposefully turns their head away or fixes their gaze on something else to minimize your importance.
• Keeping You from Socializing: Every time you make arrangements to go somewhere, they come up with an excuse not to or plead with you not to.
• Invalidation: They might imply outright that they don’t care about your needs, boundaries, or desires.
• The Silent Treatment: When you wish to discuss significant issues, they might ignore you, wave you off, or shift the subject. Your efforts to discuss something with them in person, by text, or on the phone may be ignored.
• Denying Support: When you require emotional support or assistance, an abuser may label you as needy, assert that the world cannot stop for you to solve your problems, or advise you to be stronger and handle the situation independently.
• Interrupting/Disputing Your Feelings: An abuser may get in your face and take away your phone or other items from your hands to draw your attention to them while your attention is somewhere else. They could say that you shouldn’t feel that way no matter what emotion or feeling you convey. For instance, “What have you got to be unhappy about?” or “You shouldn’t be furious over that.”
• Withholding Affection: They won’t touch you, even if they want to hold your hand or pat your shoulder. If you insult them or they insist that you do something you don’t want to do, they might refuse to have intimate contact with you.

Reasons People Abuse Emotionally

Abuse is a learned behavior and a choice. Anyone who engages in abusive behavior does so voluntarily. Several factors can make someone more prone to abuse. Yet, these factors do not cause abuse. Rather, they provide an explanation.

The most significant factor that leads to an abusive person is that the offender was also abused. Additionally, although not everyone with these disorders abuses others, abusers often struggle with depression or substance abuse.⁶

Abusers frequently possess authority over their victims. This influence could come from income, social standing, physical prowess, or other power. An abuser could believe they have the right to treat the victim in whatever way they choose because of their relative authority. Some learn this behavior gradually from friends, pop culture, or societal injustices; others slowly pick it up from their families as they grow up. Some abuse others to compensate for a perceived lack in other areas of their lives.

No one desires to be in an abusive relationship. Still, people abused by a parent or other key person often find themselves in similar situations as adults. You might not have learned how to create standards, form your own opinions, and validate your thoughts and views if your parent(s) defined your experiences, emotions, and behaviors. This is why the dominating and defining posture taken by an emotional abuser may feel normal or even comfortable to you, but it is destructive.⁷

Below are additional reasons people abuse emotionally:⁸

• The abuser gets great pleasure from controlling or seeing others suffer.
  • Psychopaths, sadists, and narcissists may be drawn to emotional abuse because it gives them pleasure to control others or watch them suffer.
• The abuser gains something from incapacitating another.
  • Regular emotional abuse causes mental distress that can make it difficult to function. As a result, there’s a lack of motivation, drive, or mental clarity to carry out responsibilities. You might even agree with your abuser that being admitted to a mental hospital would be in your best interest. Unfortunately, your abuser may then be able to gain child custody or access to your money by rendering you incapable.
• The abuser craves attention or sympathy.
  • Some abusers resort to emotional abuse for compassion, affirmation, or attention. Individuals who play the martyr sacrifice themselves to gain sympathy and approval from others. They are also skilled at guilt-tripping their targets.
• The abuser wants revenge.
  • They might believe you have hurt them in the past, even if you haven’t. They might use abusive language to get revenge for the real or perceived hurt. Abusers seeking retaliation, unlike sadists, may not find it personally satisfying to see others suffer. Instead, their satisfaction comes from exacting revenge.
• The abuser wants to advance in the ranks.
  • Out of jealousy over your achievement or a desire for a promotion you’re likely to earn, coworkers may engage in workplace bullying or emotional abuse to tip the power dynamic in their favor. The bully can then use that power to make themselves appear successful while painting you as a failure if they effectively make you feel fear or anxiety.

It’s crucial to remember that being the victim of abuse is not your fault.

Insurance may be able to help cover the cost of therapy. Find out if your insurance can help with the costs by calling your insurance provider or by contacting us below. One of our care coordinators can help you navigate your insurance coverage and get the care you need.

Impacts & When to Seek Counseling for Emotional Abuse

Some people endure emotional abuse over a long period, sometimes starting in childhood or throughout an intimate relationship. But there are also more immediate or brief instances of emotional abuse, such as a passing conversation with a total stranger or exchanges with coworkers or friends.

Suppose you’ve coped with these behaviors for a long time as a child or an adult. In that case, you might be more prone to experience both the long- and short-term effects of emotional abuse. But even a single incident of abuse can have an impact on you.⁹ There are both long- and short-term effects of emotional abuse. They could be physical and psychological, like headaches and a beating heart, or guilt and anxiety.¹⁰

Often, a recipient of the abuse is so worn down that they cannot correctly identify the damaging dynamics. As an emotionally abused person internalizes the abuse as their fault, their perception of reality may become skewed. They might ruminate and bargain for a while, thinking of ways to change their behavior or avoid conflict. As a result, victims may deal with chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and issues with their self-esteem.

Childhood abuse can cause long-term emotional suffering, anxiety, depression, self-criticism, and low self-esteem. It can also present challenges when developing trusting relationships and managing healthy responses to difficult emotions.

Some studies suggest that children who experience emotional abuse are more prone to toxic conduct and may prefer unhealthy relationships over healthy ones. They may also be more susceptible to emotional abuse in the future.¹¹

The following mental health disorders have also been linked to emotional abuse:¹²

• Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Substance Abuse
• Anger Issues¹³
• Codependency
• Dissociation
• Mood Disorders
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• The Development of Phobias¹⁴
• Sleep Disorders (i.e., insomnia)
• Eating Disorders¹⁵
• Self-injury
• Suicide¹⁶
  • Please call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 if you or someone you know is considering suicide. Help is available 24/7, and services are available in English and Spanish.

Experiencing any of the above signs, symptoms, or accompanying disorders, is reason enough to seek therapy for emotional abuse. Even if you’re confused about whether a person’s conduct constitutes abuse or normal behavior, a mental health professional can help you distinguish between the two.

Treatments & Therapy for Emotional Abuse

The victim and the abuser can benefit from emotional abuse therapy and treatment. Various forms of therapy are designated for different circumstances. Every individual has different needs that must be considered when it comes to treatment.

For instance, children require distinct care from adult patients, and couples counseling may enable a victim of child abuse to develop a more intimate relationship with their partner.¹⁷ However, couples therapy can only be helpful for couples where both partners are committed to better conflict resolution. When an abuser refuses to accept responsibility for their behavior, this therapy can be highly emotionally and physically dangerous for the victim.¹⁸

It’s safe to express and process challenging feelings in emotional abuse counseling. A professional therapist won’t criticize you based on how you handle your unique situation. For example, some people harbor obsessive resentment toward their abuser, while others still feel affection and desire. In addition, some abusers may not be ready to take responsibility for their actions. Throughout this spectrum, you are free and safe to go back and forth. Anger, humiliation, relief, and a sense of loss are acceptable and common emotions.

Emotional abuse therapy rescues the lives and the self-worth of many people who have similar experiences and share those same feelings. Harmful behavioral and cognitive patterns tend to become deep-rooted over time, and emotional abuse therapy can address this while attempting to develop future healthy, productive relationships.

In addition to many hours of training, it’s common for social workers and psychologists to have a master’s degree to get licensed to practice. To independently practice, they may need a doctorate in psychology in many states. Regardless, seeking someone trained and experienced in emotional abuse and working with trauma victims is essential.

During your initial appointment, a therapist will usually learn more about you and inquire about the issues you want to address. The therapist may ask about your past and present physical and emotional health to comprehend your situation more thoroughly. If you think you would benefit from additional treatment, such as medication, you can discuss this with your therapist, or they may bring it up.

A psychiatrist may prescribe medications if you are experiencing any related mental health disorders. For example, many common comorbid illnesses, including depression and anxiety, can be treated with medication. They’re particularly beneficial in reducing the symptoms of PTSD.¹⁹

Emotional Abuse Treatment for the Abuser

Those who abuse others can learn to swap out harmful behaviors for healthy ones in emotional abuse counseling. For example, a therapist can help a person who abuses with the following:

• Improve emotional intelligence
• Control rage in healthy ways
• Establish boundaries
• Engage in respectful debate
• Share power and control in relationships

If the offender was abused as a child, the therapist could help them acknowledge and understand how their prior traumas can materialize in their present behavior. In addition, a counselor can assist the abuser with handling mental health difficulties that emerge from trauma, such as depression or substance abuse. Still, most therapists will strongly emphasize self-awareness and accountability even if therapy uncovers an explanation for their abusive conduct.

Abuse can take a lifetime to unlearn. It typically means shifting long-held beliefs and practices. An abuser must refrain from making excuses, blaming others, and self-pity in order to progress. They must acknowledge the repercussions of their conduct and make atonement where possible.²⁰

A victim convincing their abuser to get counseling for emotional abuse is a dangerous plan. It can further anger and fuel an abuser’s actions and behaviors.²¹ Change is only possible if the abuser is dedicated to bettering themselves and prepared to deal with their problems openly. Unfortunately, most abusers are unprepared to take responsibility for their behavior with a therapist.

Emotional Abuse Treatment for the Victim

Therapy for emotional abuse victims has a better chance of being effective, but only if you’re willing to be forthright and honest about your circumstances. Unfortunately, due to shame and guilt, many emotional abuse victims conceal the abuse or the extent of it, even from therapists. However, an emotional abuse therapist can only effectively assist when they thoroughly understand the issue(s).

Emotional abuse treatment seeks to improve your self-esteem and confidence. It also helps to define healthy relationship fundamentals, including duties, obligations, and rights. Counseling for emotional abuse also assists in building emotional intelligence, learning to set boundaries, and altering behavior.

Below are the common types of therapy for emotional abuse:

• Eye Movement and Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR is a treatment technique involving moving your eyes in a specific manner while processing traumatic memories.²²
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT teaches you to recognize inaccurate or harmful thoughts to view challenging circumstances more clearly while reacting effectively.²³
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT is an action-oriented approach to psychotherapy that comes from classical behavior therapy and CBT. You learn to recognize that your deeper emotions are normal reactions to specific circumstances rather than ignoring, rejecting, and battling with them.²⁴
• Group Therapy: Studies have shown that group therapy is more effective for abuse victims than individual therapy for anxiety and depression.²⁵
• Psychodynamic Psychotherapy: With the aid of psychodynamic therapy, you can better understand how your current emotions and behavior are influenced by past events, unconscious thoughts, and impulses.²⁶

Key points to remember when seeking emotional abuse therapy:

• The abuse is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
• Experiencing guilt and humiliation about the abuse is natural but not warranted.
• Although it is common to want to keep the details of the abuse a secret, doing so will harm your recovery.
• Even if you don’t leave the abuser, seeking support is okay.

Emotional Abuse Therapy Costs & Insurance Coverage

The following are estimated costs for emotional abuse counseling. Various factors contribute to the final cost, including your location in Tennessee and your specific insurance plan.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) sessions are typically 45+ minutes long and cost between $100 and $200.²⁷ CBT is generally regarded as a short-term treatment, with therapy sessions ranging from 5 to 20.

Additionally, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy usually costs between $100 and $250 per hour per session without insurance. Given that it may take several therapy sessions to achieve desired outcomes, the total cost of EMDR may be between $800 and $2,000.²⁸

Insurance frequently covers a portion of the cost of psychotherapy in Tennessee. However, many insurance companies may only cover a fixed amount of sessions and require a formal diagnosis. In addition, numerous variables, such as your insurance plan, the location of the therapy, and whether the practitioner is in or out-of-network, may alter your out-of-pocket costs.

Prescription drug policies usually cover antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. However, they might only cover specific classes of drugs, dosage schedules, or the generic form, not the brand name.

Thanks to the Affordable Care Act, you can access affordable coverage not linked to your abuser that addresses your particular situation. In addition, the Affordable Care Act prohibits plans from charging more based on your health status. At the same time, plans must also offer a comprehensive package of “essential health benefits.”²⁹

Athena Care has multiple therapy clinics in Tennessee, and we are in-network with most major insurance plans. Therefore, filling out our free, no-obligation online insurance verification form is the most efficient way to gain the information needed to begin emotional abuse therapy treatment.

Allow our highly experienced, knowledgeable care coordinators to handle the challenges of contacting your insurance carrier for more information about your coverage. After submitting the form, a care coordinator will review your policy and thoroughly explain your options for emotional abuse counseling. Any information you provide or discuss is entirely confidential.

Treatment Success & Outlook for Emotional Abuse

Using CBT over six weeks was very successful in reducing not only depressed and chronic PTSD symptoms but also more subtle symptoms such as dissociation and impaired self-esteem.³⁰ Additionally, EMDR is a helpful option for dealing with troubling memories at the root of various mental health issues, including PTSD.³¹

Furthermore, in another study, women who presented with substantial post-traumatic symptoms were randomized to either individual treatment (25 participants) or group therapy (28). The study concluded that group therapy is just as effective as one-on-one counseling. Also, it is more economical, especially in the long term.³²

Regardless of how long emotional abuse persists—a few months or several decades, therapy for emotional abuse survivors requires time and effort before desired outcomes become noticeable. In reality, “getting over it” may never be part of the process for some survivors. After a few weeks, you may notice a decrease in your symptoms. Usually, however, this happens over several months, and it’s not uncommon to feel worse before feeling better.

Although the repercussions of emotional abuse might last a lifetime, the intensity of those effects can be minimized with emotional abuse treatment. Victims of emotional abuse can go on to lead happy, fulfilling, and healthy lives with the help of emotional abuse counseling. Of course, early intervention is always ideal. Yet, we recognize that it’s not always possible, and fortunately, it’s never too late to seek help.

Additional Resources for Emotional Abuse

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800-799-7233
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Call 988 for 24/7, free and confidential support
• National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health
• Love is Respect
• Safe Space of Tennessee – 1-800-244-5968